Can There Be A Relationship After A Spouse Cheats?

A cheating spouse is one of the most painful experiences that can happen in a relationship. The act of it breaks trust, which is necessary for a relationship to remain stable. Sometimes, a spouse has been with the "other" for years, and sometimes, the spouse kisses or has one sexual encounter. Either way, the decision to step out on your significant other is hurtful.

As the person that has been cheated on, you're going through a lot of emotions. Shock, disapointment, anger, and sadness are just to name a few. But after some of the initial emotions have passed, to some extent, it's time to make some decisions about the future of your relationship with this person. There are some hard questions that you need to answer for yourself. But the main question is, "Can there be a relationship after a spouse has cheated?" And the answer to that is yes, but there are some factors to consider.

How Bad is the Cheating?


Ron from the Jersey Shore said, "Cheating is cheating is cheating is cheating. Whether it's a guy or a girl." And many people feel that way. But the amount of the cheating does play a role in your forgiveness. Think about it: if a person accidently bumps into you in the hallway, at first that may be more forgivable than if a person deliberately knocks you down. All of that to say, the motive is very important.

Also, the frequency of the cheating is important. Did this happen one time, or has a completely different relationship been going on for a few months? Those are two completely different issues. The first one questions a bad decision. The other questions the person's character. And as I stated before, the motive is very important.

Do You Want Them Back?

This is one of the most simple, yet complicated question in a situation like this. But this is the question that's going to determine your future with this person. If you don't want the person back, then it's time to move on. Yes you've been hurt, and it's an upsetting situation, but it's time for you to move forward, take some time out to heal, and get ready for the next phase of your life. If you want to continue to be with the person that cheated on you, then you have some work cut out for you as well, but you can get to a better place in your relationship. This is a decision that you have to make for yourself. And maybe it's helpful to make a chart of the good qualities and bad qualities of your spouse to really determine what decision is best for you.

Are You Willing to Do YOUR Part to Fix the Relationship?

I know I know, you were thinking that because you were cheated on, that your spouse needs to be doing anything and everything to win you back. And yes, I agree that they should be working on some MAJOR forgiveness tactics. But as in any situation, it is not all of one person's fault. Somewhere down the line of the relationship, you did or did not do or say something that contributed to this situation. I know, that's hard to hear, but it's true. Maybe you weren't as loving as your spouse needed you to be. Maybe you paid more attention to your job then your relationship and spent too much time at the office. Are these valuable reasons for you to be cheated on? Absolutely not. But it's important to keep in mind that the cheating occured as a process.

Now of course, there are going to be some "chronic cheaters." And these people are going to cheat on their spouse no matter what you do or say. These are people you don't want to consider for a serious relationship. But not everyone that cheats is a chronic cheater. Usually, people don't wake up one day and decide out of nowhere, "I going to cheat today."

Are you willing to do your part to fix the relationship? Trust me, that's not an easy question. It may be easy depending on the day someone asks you. But it's a pretty difficult question. Remember, a relationship is always changing because both of you are changing. And it takes work to maintain a relationship. It also takes work to mend one. If you're not willing to do the work to fix the relationship, then there's no point in continuing it.

Can You Forgive Them?

If you can't forgive them, the relationship can't continue. And your answer to this question may change after time. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for yourself. Are you going to be able to put the incident behind you to continue the relationship? Are you going to bring it up every chance that you get as "punishment" to the other person? You can do that, but you have to keep in mind that this pushes your spouse further away. Forgiveness means moving forward. It means that you are letting go of what has happened in order to move on. And trust me, that's not easy, especially when you've been really hurt. And depending on your situation, it may take you longer to forgive them. Maybe that means you need to take a break to decide, and that's okay. It's understandable if you need some time.

Relationships can be difficult, but as long as the couple involved is willing to put in the work to mend the relationship and move forward, things can improve!

Have you stayed with a spouse after you were cheated on?
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